Sibling Rivalry Revisited

We had a guest the other night joining us for dinner.  After the meal when the children were cleaning up and washing dishes, our guest asked, "Don't your children fight?"
Lana and I looked at each other and pondered.
"Not really," we replied, "They have occasional disagreements but these get sorted out pretty quickly."
"Don't they yell or scream at each other?" our guest asked in amazement.
"Rarely, but we stomped on that behaviour very early on and now they have learned appropriate conflict resolution skills.  Also, when the children fight over something - a toy, a game or anything - we will get the object in dispute and tell them 'If this is causing you to fight, we don't want this thing in our home' and then throw it in the bin.  Pretty quickly the children learned that it wasn't worth fighting over 'stuff'"
"Hmm," he said, sitting back and watching the children singing off key - but loudly - and obviously enjoying themselves while they were cleaning up.
That is one advantage of homeschooling.  Rather than being thrown into the school jungle with no direct adult supervision, they are able to learn from adults when the problems occur, as memories are fresh and actions are obvious and not distorted by time and emotion.  Of course, the pressure was on Lana and I to grow up too, which was probably the hardest part.  We can't expect them to follow appropriate problem resolution techniques if we are squabbling over stupid little things.
"Ahh, but what about when they get in the 'real' world?  How about then huh?"
We actually believe the family is the "Real" world.  School life certainly isn't real life as what works in school doesn't work anywhere else.  So assuming "Real World" means the workplace, shops, sports and everything outside of home and school, we can answer that our methods work very well.
One on one taught conflict resolution techniques work great in the "outside" world.  The children have been performing admirably in the shop and in sports teams in which they have participated.
So, the experiment continues...
Previous articles about sibling rivalry are here and here.

(The photo is of Eric teaching Martin to fire a bow and arrow.  Martin concentrated very well and once he fired his arrow he went back to his primary role of arrow fetching.)

Would I change my past?

As I was lying in bed the other morning, in that half aware state between being asleep and awake, I was pondering how I would change my life going back with what I know now.

But I kept getting stuck on a paradox.  Every mistake that I tried to rectify would jeopardise the really good things that happened.  The unlikely circumstances that led to my meeting and marrying Lana were too extraordinary to come about through planning of my part. By knowing and loving the Faith as I do now, I would have been unlikely to have met Lana.  If we had done the wiser things financially, I wouldn't have learnt what I now know and probably wouldn't have ended up in the lovely country place we now enjoy. 

It seems that God really does draw straight from Point A to Point B using crooked lines.

Then yesterday I was pondering life in front of the Blessed Sacrament giving thanks to God for all the blessings He has given me.  We have come to realise that stable two parent families are not in the majority - neither here in Australia, our parish or in the US when we lived there. Even at the local parish with an attached "Catholic" school, only a minority of the children attend Mass and even less do so with both parents.  We often make up half the children present. 

With all the dopey things Lana and I did and thought along the way, how did we end up where we are today?  

"There but for the Grace of God go I."

When we explain to the children the better way of courtship, life and love they ask us if we followed that advice.  "No," we reply, "Unfortunately we weren't told, and maybe we wouldn't have listened.  We didn't have any examples on which to base the correct actions.  But it is much easier to learn from our mistakes than make them all yourself."

Last night the children made the main meal of the day. Roast Lamb and potatoes, peas and carrots.  Very tasty and Lana just had to answer a few basic questions.  It is worth bucking society's general advice and focussing on having a faithful, fruitful family life.

So I wouldn't change anything even if I could.  The risk of not getting here is too great.

Family Socialisation

We recently had a fun time at a local park which has just refurbished their playground. There were ducks to feed, tadpoles to watch, things to climb and spinning things to, well, spin on.
The children really enjoy spending time together and we enjoy spending time with them. This seems to be such a counter cultural experience. When I announce we are going to have a "Family Day" all the children's eyes light up and they look forward to whatever we are hoping to do - read out loud, go to a park, picnic, watch a movie, play cards, walk in the bush, whatever.
So often we are told that we are risking our children's isolation and stunting their "socialisation" - whatever that is meant to mean. Yet, if socialisation is helping the children form an important part of society, I can't think of a better way than raising healthy, well adjusted adults who actually enjoy their parents and siblings. All the concerns about "socialisation" seem to be based on mythical cases and theoretical situations as the reality is that healthy families - homeschooled or institutional schooled - are much better prepared for the realities of the adult world in which we live. One day all children need to shake off the artificial boundaries of school aged years and confront the world around us. Some can do it younger, others delay the reckoning till their 20's, 30's or even 40's.
We either pay now or pay later in all things we do. We have found that "paying" now in terms of time spent with the family is providing solid returns as the years move on.
Hooray for family life!

I'm a Catholic Dad

I know that regular readers may have already picked up that I am a Catholic Dad, but my point here is that I am now part of the group blog "Catholic Dads".
This means that I will be adding my bit to the collective output of many other Catholic fathers posting on various fatherhood and family related issues.