Rainy day? No problem.

Are you thinking what I'm thinking?

On a typical Summer's day we have lots of rain which means the children have to stay indoors. Now this could be a challenge for some, but our young lads had a plan. They were quietly industrious for a while which is always a potentially dangerous thing so we popped over to investigate.
They had made a pretty impressive fort with all the cushions and blankets.
It's good having brothers.

Calling each other names

A posed shot

Lana was on the phone.
So Rose came up to Ariel and stood there waiting.
Ariel raised her eyebrow in inquiry.
"I'm waiting for Zach and Martin because there has been name calling," Rose said.
Once the boys turned up Ariel asked "What happened?"
Rose said "Zach called Martin Ramsbottom."
Ariel paused, wondering how to respond.
"And then Martin called Zach Zee," Rose continued.
We have a pretty strict policy against name calling and come down pretty hard on breaches of the peace.
Rose said, "And then Martin hid behind one of the flags with clear [safety] glasses and Zach patted him on the nose."
Such tragedy!  Such abuse! How does one respond to such cruelty?
"Don't hit each other.  Don't call names. Go away and play."
"Okay," the boys said and went and played.

There you go.  Sibling rivalry at its worst!
(Previous Sibling Rivalry posts are here)

Sibling Togetherness

One of the ladies in our online homeschooling list was gathering input regarding the homeschooling effects on sibling rivalry.  I referred the group to our previous posts (here here and here) but this led to discussions at home as well.

Eric likes sitting next to Zach in the van.  He reckons there are some great advantages, along with a few disadvantages, but overall he prefers that seat.  Eric says, "It is entertaining and at times highly profitable".

Advantages
 - You can play with the baby (see here and here for some examples)
 - You can eat the left overs which means you often get one and a half ice creams.

Disadvantages
 - When they are tired and scream.  Not pleasant but worth the effort in calming them down.

(The second photo is when Rose was three months old.  Eric added a Red Nose to Rose)

The other children wanted to add in their bit too:

The Boys (17,14,12): multi player games with opponents on hand is fun.

Peter (12): without them you get bored so easily

Ariel (19): [Evil laugh] - you can get them to do tasks you don't want to: but they're noisy and they take up your time and you have to feed them ... (after a delay)... but sometimes they're fun.

James (14): They're fun.  The younger ones find all my old tricks really new and funny.

Clare (9): You have someone to play with.

Martin (3): Because you love 'em.

Sibling Rivalry Revisited

We had a guest the other night joining us for dinner.  After the meal when the children were cleaning up and washing dishes, our guest asked, "Don't your children fight?"
Lana and I looked at each other and pondered.
"Not really," we replied, "They have occasional disagreements but these get sorted out pretty quickly."
"Don't they yell or scream at each other?" our guest asked in amazement.
"Rarely, but we stomped on that behaviour very early on and now they have learned appropriate conflict resolution skills.  Also, when the children fight over something - a toy, a game or anything - we will get the object in dispute and tell them 'If this is causing you to fight, we don't want this thing in our home' and then throw it in the bin.  Pretty quickly the children learned that it wasn't worth fighting over 'stuff'"
"Hmm," he said, sitting back and watching the children singing off key - but loudly - and obviously enjoying themselves while they were cleaning up.
That is one advantage of homeschooling.  Rather than being thrown into the school jungle with no direct adult supervision, they are able to learn from adults when the problems occur, as memories are fresh and actions are obvious and not distorted by time and emotion.  Of course, the pressure was on Lana and I to grow up too, which was probably the hardest part.  We can't expect them to follow appropriate problem resolution techniques if we are squabbling over stupid little things.
"Ahh, but what about when they get in the 'real' world?  How about then huh?"
We actually believe the family is the "Real" world.  School life certainly isn't real life as what works in school doesn't work anywhere else.  So assuming "Real World" means the workplace, shops, sports and everything outside of home and school, we can answer that our methods work very well.
One on one taught conflict resolution techniques work great in the "outside" world.  The children have been performing admirably in the shop and in sports teams in which they have participated.
So, the experiment continues...
Previous articles about sibling rivalry are here and here.

(The photo is of Eric teaching Martin to fire a bow and arrow.  Martin concentrated very well and once he fired his arrow he went back to his primary role of arrow fetching.)

Sibling Rivalry - Not!

We reckon it must be pretty hard for people with only two children.  I mean with only two children the parents are still playing one-on-one.  With three or more you are into zone defense!

While Martin was doing his latest adventure at the hospital, I was with the rest of the children at a nearby park and doing a little shopping.  As I am not able to hover over one or two children - being so outnumbered - I just opened the park gate and told them to "Go and play!".  Then I just wandered around doing my job - "Look at me!", "Can you push me?", "Dad!  I did it! I got across in one go!"

This photo is of the 5 middle children all playing on the spinning pole thing. (The pole is meant to be bent - it isn't bending due to the strain)

The children don't get into terrible fights.  They have occasional disagreements, but they learn to solve these difficulties in a civilized manner.  As we all have to live together, there isn't a lot of room - or sympathy - for selfish grandstanding or retaining animosity.

I asked each of the children individually what it was like having lots of brothers and sisters.

Peter (9): "Fun!  Good to play with and you don't have to sleep in a room by yourself, and you can ask people to help you.  You can join with your brothers' pocket money to buy something quicker."

Eric (14): "You don't have to visit someone's house to find someone to play with.  You can muck around with them without worrying too much about causing offense."

Ariel (17): "Annoying. (then she smiled as she thought further) And fun. You get to have others do your bidding.  You have little remote controls" [little children to get things for you]

James (12): "Fun.  If you can't figure something out, you can ask your older brother who has been reading a lot for ideas."

Clare (7): "Fun.  You can play with them."

That's not a bad response from a question without notice.

(The second photo I took of Peter while we were both on the spinning pole thing.  Boy, those things spin fast!)

Sibling Non Rivalry

Brother and Sister in arms.Like most parents we are always evaluating whether we do the right things by our children. Luckily, as homeschoolers, we get to know all the children pretty well as we are together most of the time.
We have avoided the morning "off to school" chaos, the quiet day with just the littlest children, the "home from school" grumps, the homework challenge and the multiple extra curricular activities.

Instead, we arise at roughly the same time (although I often have to leave at the crack of dawn to visit clients), have breakfast, the children do their schoolwork with Lana, Lunch is around 1.00pm to 2.00pm or so, some extra reading or school stuff for the older children and play time until we have dinner together as a family. All this time together has meant the children get to know us and each other and we are able to understand them.
Fights and disagreements, when they occur, get resolved quickly and life moves on. There is really no choice.
Sibling Rivalry is a term we often hear of, but have not really experienced. The photo above was taken on a recent walk. This wasn't a set shot.
The boys play together in some things, the girls do their own activities and they all do group activities without our promptings. (See Family Vows and Why We Homeschool other group activity shots.)
We enjoy family outings - even shopping trips! Our travelling in the US with eight of us crammed in a Suburban for trips over 3,000 miles were fun (see the side links for trip reports). We listened to audio books together, shared experiences, met great people, experienced car break downs and generally "bonded".
Bonding is a direct result of Love (Spelled T-I-M-E). That time spent together is not a tactic for familial harmony. It is a way of life where the ones who give themselves receive love in return.

No greater love has a man that gives his own life for another.

To the greater child-free world, parenthood and family life makes little sense. But the rewards are here and now. Time with our family has been our best return on investment.